Battle of the Sexes

My father has this little habit of sending all of ‘his girls’ emails with links to certain websites that he finds interesting. Although some of them can be rather dull and far too wordy, I do actually manage to read everything he sends me (I bet you didn’t know that papa!). With this plethora of articles I am required to read, plus all my schoolwork, plus all my enjoyment reading, some of the articles he sends me don’t always stick in my mind. However, there was this one that intrigued me to an immense extent. I read this article almost six months ago and I still feel compelled to write a blog about it. I don’t know if it bugged me in a good way or in a bad way. Maybe this blog will help me figure it out.

This article I read was by Kim du Toit, who calls himself, “An erudite, conservative intellectual, gun owner who sometimes gets pissed off.” He felt the need to make a list of things every young woman should know by the time she leaves college. Well…I’ll just let you read it…
Things every young woman should know before the age of 21:

The basic rules of fashion (and the difference between fad and fashion, never giving in completely to the former)

Be comfortable in the body she was born with

How to properly groom herself and apply/wear make-up appropriate for the setting/circumstances

Sew (sufficient to hem, reapply a button, make curtains) including knowledge of fabrics and fashion terms

How to iron beyond getting the creases out (knowing how to properly iron a dress shirt including a non-permanent press version, set creases in slacks, and handle pleating)

The rules of etiquette in both business and personal settings for a variety of cultures, including:
• How to set a table
• How to make introductions
• How to make seating arrangements at a table
• Proper conduct at formal events, such as weddings, funerals, etc.
• Rules of reciprocation

Recognize gossip, know how to avoid it, and people who do it

Be an ear/shoulder without being a martyr or know-it-all

Bathe and clothe a baby

Feed a baby

Be physically fit sufficient to birth a baby and endure a 2-year-old

Understand the basics of child psychology and child rearing, sufficient to properly coach a child to explore, read, and discover:
• Basic arithmetic
• Basic science
• Properly address and handle a tantrum

Write letters

Be gracious without being condescending

Understand our system of government sufficient to keep vigilance of it and properly exercise her right to vote

Be able to defend herself, her husband, and her children with a gun

Read at least 20 books from the Western Canon and understand them

Recognize at least 100 paintings/art treasures and what is good/bad about them

Play at least one musical instrument, and understand the basics of music

Recite poetry or sing without being self-conscious

Speak a foreign language sufficient to travel in that country

Play bridge to win, and win gracefully

Drive defensively

Understand how a car works, sufficient to attend to its required maintenance

Be able to use basic household tools to perform basic household repairs

Know how to hang a picture and WHERE to hang it

Understand the basics of design as it applies to household decor, architecture, garden and landscape planning/maintenance

Manage a household:
• Hire, direct, and train household staff
• Menu/meal planning (including organizing and planning parties and events)
• Budgeting and forecasting
• Maintain records (including important documents, expenses/checking and savings accounts, etc.)

Cook/Kitchen management, including:
• Make bread
• Understand dietary considerations (health, customs, and religions)
• Select, keep and store ingredients properly and safely
• Understand the proper use and selection of herbs and spices
• Bake a pie, including fruit, cream, and meringue
• Make sauces, including rue-based, vegetable-based, and creams
• How to test for doneness in meats, breads, and cakes
• How to choose equipment and serving pieces
• Be capable of making an entire Thanksgiving dinner on her own (on time and everything hot/cold as appropriate)

How to say “no”

How and when to say “yes”

Be supportive of her husband without demeaning herself

Recognize and end relationships that are destructive

Dance etiquette

Walk gracefully in high heels (or know not to wear them!)

Tell a joke

Bathe a dog


Those are just the basics that every woman needs to know by the age of 21. Don’t get me wrong, I think that most of those skills are valuable to have, (Be physically fit sufficient to birth a baby and endure a 2-year-old…. come on is that even possible???) but is this 21 year old just going to flaunt these skills for the rest of her life? Is she just done learning? Is he saying that by the time she is 21 she should be married, have children, and simply run her house for the rest of her life? What time period does this guy live in? And why doesn’t this young lady have more time to keep learning and bettering herself? Well this intrigued me to find out what standards he held for young men. And I found his list…

Things every young man should know before the age of 21:

Drive a car well, ie. a stick shift;

Know how to handle any gun, and be comfortable with its operation

Understand basic macro- and microeconomics

Know the difference between a popular democracy and a representative republic

Be able to cook a basic meal (meat, rice/potatoes, vegetables) from scratch

Speak at least one foreign language

Understand how to read a map, and be comfortable with basic orienteering

Have two years’ experience in a trade (any trade, eg. carpenter, electrician, welder,
auto mechanic, plumber)

Play a musical instrument, and have a basic understanding of music

Understand basic self-defense/unarmed combat techniques

Have excellent manners, and know all aspects of social etiquette

Travel to a foreign country (Mexico and Canada don’t count, in the U.S.
circumstance)

Be extremely knowledgeable about history

Have read at least twenty books in the Western Canon

Be able to use a computer, especially spreadsheet, word processing and basic database programs

Be able to write a cogent, grammatically correct essay of no less than 1,000 words in length

Been a member of a social group or club (4H, Boy Scouts, Young Republicans, whatever) for at least two years

Come on! I’ve basically got that list finished. Less than a page for young men and over three for women?! Doesn’t he think any of the traits a woman possesses are important to a man? How about, “Be supportive of his wife, without demeaning himself”? Or “bathe and clothe a baby”? Is the reason that I have basically finished the male list because my papa so desperately wanted sons instead of daughters? Or is it because I was such a tomboy growing up? Or is it because that list for ladies is ridiculous and the bar for young men has been lowered? Conservatives keep complaining that my generation’s boys are growing into sissy girly-men. Why then does a self-proclaimed conservative have such low standards for the young men and high ones for the ladies?

I don’t believe that men and women are equal. Plan and simply, we are different. I don’t carry the extreme liberal idea that the two lists should be exactly the same. But I do think that the two lists should be more similar. There is an importance to all females having a marketable skill, should she need to provide for her family. And there is an importance to a male being able to run a household. Oh and who says that only a man can drive stick shift?? I could keep going, but I won’t.

What I guess I am trying to say is that, Papa; I do appreciate your emails. Especially this one, it made me think. Maybe the only reason I had any problem with the list at all was the fact that I haven’t even made a dent in it and time is running out. The list was depressing. It made me think that there is no way I will ever accomplish all those things. Yet, I have bookmarked that page and every so often I check it to see if I have made any progress. Hopefully by the time I am 21, I will have conquered BOTH lists. I can dream, right?